4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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