forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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