Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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