If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize