sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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