chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
