This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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