i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
