Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
