you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize