Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
