Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
