My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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