she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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