Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
