Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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