is your mom at the bar?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
