i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
