I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
