I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're too hungover to prance.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize