I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that may or may not have been my penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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