wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
