Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
