Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
