The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
a search helicopter?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
