turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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