my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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