he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
