I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we made out on top of his cat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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