Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize