There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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