If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
