Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So many bounce houses so little time
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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