Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
