Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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