Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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