ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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