be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
