DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
