Kiss
Puke
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize