Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
