Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?

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(718): View more from New York

One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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(315): View more from New York

Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)

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(807): View more from Ontario

Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.

(519): View more from Ontario

does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.

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(647): View more from Ontario

btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.

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(207): View more from Maine

Testing the emergency boobs hotline

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(810): View more from Michigan

It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n

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