Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
