I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
