According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
