I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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