i already hear my dad disowning me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize