I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
