He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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