Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
