The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
