Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
