I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
