a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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