my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
