All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
