I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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