We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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