So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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