I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
