yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
