Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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