you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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