rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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