Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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