finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
