mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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