i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
