So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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