I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
