Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
