the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
