Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
