filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
