Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
